do not resucitate
what does this mean to you
to me
it is giving up
giving up the life of another
playing god and making decisions
that are not necessarily
what the person lying in that bed would wish
DNR
they asked me what my wishes were
when I entered the hospital
would I want them to make an effort?
I remember staring at Sean my RN
and asking ...
are you serious?
his reply was "Yes, I need to know"
he then went on to tell me that I was very ill
and in situations like this they ask
all patients
I wonder what my father in law said
when they asked him
or did they ask him?
My ex is power of attorney
they designated him so
thinking that our marriage
would be forever
not knowing that in less than two weeks
it would be gone and dissolved ...
I remember my mother in law apologizing
and saying, that part of the decision
was based on my advocacy
and they knew that
I would insist on the best of care
that I would make sure of quality of care
that I would respect their wishes
I read the email this morning
telling of a man
who is still fighting for his dignity
and trying to look after his own private needs
struggling against the bonds that bind
and determined to be as independent as he could be
and I think
does this sound
like a man
who would want a DNR?
and I wonder who is this man
that I once lived with for 30 years
as husband and wife
and I wonder
what happened along the way
that life lost it's value
and that it is okay to just sign it away
DNR
I have a feeling
it is going to be a very long day
a day of tears
a day of memories of a kind and gracious man
full of dry sarcastic humour
that I see in my son
and so the line continues
but I wonder of the generation between
the man who named himself God
and know that it is best if I leave things alone
as I have this very strong urge to
bitch slap
two weeks ago we were talking nursing home
now we are talking funeral home
I have this strong desire to bitch slap
but thank God that I am too far away
and so as his journey draws near to an end
I hope that they at least give him the dignity of not being alone
I would hope that
at least this small amount of dignity
would not be too far from their hearts
and I wish for him
Godspeed
with love and no pain
to be surrounded by those loved ones
who have already made their journey
and I send my love
and I apologize
I would have tried harder
but that is me, never the one to take the easy route
but the one that said
what if ...
