Sunday, December 19, 2010

I have been spending a great deal of time lately
reading other people's words
seeing their pain
their joy
their first thoughts of what it means
to live with Multiple Myeloma
to know the fear
that strikes us all
the hope for a cure
the need for a cure
the anger because it could have happened
to any number of assholes
wandering uselessly on this world
but why me?
I watch their faces
as they think, no probs
this is a breeze
I used to have that face
and now it seems to have faded to reality ...
reality bites
but cancer sucks
trust me I know ...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

I don't want to buy a ticket for your ride ...

rollercoaster of a ride
starting off slowly without preconceived ideas
a plan for the future
suddenly thrown for a loop
the financial plan now defunct pending 1618A
WTF .....................as I hold on gripping with both hands
taking the turns and the double flip of the stomach
building up the courage to make the call, slowly anxiety rising
never for sure knowing when the bottom will fall out and pitching forward
into the abyss that has become my life ............
with a snap of the neck
there it is, my life capitualized into a single statement,
dashed to the ground in a split second ...
a pregnant pause as I wonder
does she know what she just said?
and then it is like the cool off part of the ride,
where she tried to make me feel better, to appease the client ...
to make me want to come back and be a part of this ...

are you kidding me ..............
don't tell me that I have a serious illness
don't tell me that I of course will be covered and looked after
not when you mail me a letter and say no further funds available ...

perhaps if it was you that was living with this serious illness, this cancer from which you so kindly inform me I will not recover,
perhaps if you were the one sitting here and wondering what will come
and I if could be the one
who gets to toss the files into the air
waiting to see how they fall ...
if they fall face up do they get to continue
are they out, if it falls face down ........

please do not condescend to me and ply me with your fake concern and pity ...
I know that I have a serious illness,
I know that I will probably not recover
I know that I deserve to be on my LTD benefits
I know ...........
I also know that I am not a group number or a certificate number
I am me
a woman who breathes and bleeds
and funny enough
I can do both at the same time :)

Friday, January 22, 2010

is it wrong
to want to give of myself
to board a plane
and travel to the ravaged Haiti

how I wish
that I could do more
than donate the monetary token

I believe that one should do what one can do
they will need a lot of help to rebuild
not only their city and the infrastructure
but their lives and their families ...

the thing that I noted was their faith
remains strong ...
I think back to 9-11 and how upset people
were with God and the government
and again with Katrina ...
both huge tragedies with much loss of life
and property ...
and yet I see the people of Haiti
praising the Lord for the fact that they are still alive ...

and I feel that I should be doing more
maybe I will just say another prayer ...

proud to be a Canadian ...

How often do we hear these words,
I am proud to be a Canadian
did you know that there have been
more donations to the Haitian Earthquake Relief Fund
from Canadians, than from any other country ...
did you know that in less than 24 hours
there were Canadians on Haitian soil
ready to assist and do what they could ...
people were preparing for the Olympics
ready to cheer on our athletes
and to go for the gold ...
and then the earthquake happened.
The world stopped in shock.
Today, 10 days later, the pulled an 84 year old woman
alive, from the rubble ...
a miracle
something to cheer about
certainly better than gold ...
and as the telethons start
to raise awareness and money
to help the people of Haiti
I hope that others also grab their Visa cards
and donate, even if only $5.00
but yes, I am
Proud to be Canadian ...