Are you afraid ...

to say that I have never been afraid would be a lie,
to say that I have no fears now would also be a lie.

but I am a mom,
I fear that my children will be hurt
that they might not have enough money,
that their choice in education might not supply them with the knowledge that they need ...
but I also know that they have the tools of life available to them ...
that they will learn from their life experiences and grow from them

I am a woman
who has been sexually abused,
can I say that it happening again does not worry me?
no,
but I can say that now I am careful ...
I enter into relationships with open eyes now,
I tend to be a little bit more matter of fact, open and honest,

I am also a risk taker
I have always been the caretaker
and know that now it is time for me
my time
to shine, to live, to be one with myself ...
to be one with that lover
who is also a part of myself,
that part of me
that is/longs to be/ the part of a we ...

am I afraid ...
of new chapters ...
of things that go bump in the night ...
of letting go ...
of love ...
of new adventures ...
of discovering myself ...

so many things,
so many options ...

if I let my fears contain me
then
I would not really be true to myself ...
for they could easily consume me,
and that would not be a good thing ...

I prefer to address them
to no longer hide behind them
but to face them head on ...

who knows with the light of day
they all may just fizzle and fall away ...

am I afraid?
hmmmmmmmmmm